what's a doctor?

bismillah

few days ago, I've just felt like been in a comfort zone as a so-called doctor. well at first i thought that 'it's good, all is fine, nothing's happen'.
but a few days after, a kid come after me and ask fr some medication and show his scar in his leg while saying that i need to take care of it because of some reason. his name is daffa, a little kid i usually talk to whenever i visit one of the kid in his room coz of his broken forearm.

nothing actually strange from this story but actually this kid, daffa, ever, once, come to the UKS and ask me whats wrong with that scar. its edema, and have tenderness when you give some pressure. i just said, "Its OK, nothings harmful kid." he just stare to me, give his smile. and then i just take a look a bit and give some advice not to let the wound wet. that's it.

i take no further history taking. what could be worst actually? from anamnesis actually i could decide about the etiology and how to cure it. but instead of it i just look a bit, smile and let him go.

and after the request, i do taking the history. sudden onset, progressive and inflammation is positive. there's no sign of any recovery. trauma negative. and the onset looks like it refer to herpes virus infection. still not sure, of course, for this 6 month of minor thesis i never recalled it. i gave some medicine finally and for some the working diagnosis, i thought it herpes, i gave him acyclovir zalf. its not the first time he experienced it. for the look I've seen, there's few wound that leave scars and i noted hypo pigmented. all of the wound occurs in his extremities.
 

 is it that bad that i need to concern of this disease?

no, i know this is not that bad. but this is the things i need to concern. not the disease.  but the care and cure things. ethics in medicine and other studies i've studied for 3,5 years.

did i cure him?
no

did i take care of the wound?
no

hell, no. i dont even take any history from him. i don't even take care of the wound.

what if there's another patient that may be suffering of cancer or any disease that i actually could prevent its progressiveness by taking care it in the first time and i dont give anything instead of smile and give nothing?

god what is wrong with me?

my dream is a good doctor and i want to let kids live happy.
pediatric surgery it is, insha Allah, and i dont want to let this dream as the past

and i know that every single step a doctor made, is for the patient's sake.
to cure and to care.
to let the happiness fulfill their life
to make sure the suffering is lessened.

and i know, God, i'm on my way to be that kind of doctor
not for some money and not for other reason.

because i live it on Your way. Your straight lines  You've given

amin
bismillah

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little story from here #1

bismillah,
alhamdulillah hari ini hari yang lumayan agak luar biasa bagi saya. setidaknya di tempat yang monoton seperti asrama tu enaknya ada sesuatu buat dipikirin penyelesaiannya.

so actually, yesterday, ada anak TBA(persiapan sebelum MA di pondok ukhuwah) yang mendatangi saya. he's tall, dark-brown skin, dan saya sangka udah kelas 3 sma-an lah. dia kemarin minta tolong saya buat buka rekening supaya dia bisa dikirimin uang sama tetangganya.

nah, ini sebenernya saya merasa agak2 aneh sih, why? karena this is so sudden, ada anak yang baru kenal, belom kenal malah sebelumnya, terus dia minta saya untuk bukain rekening buat dia.

kok sama saya gitu? bit strange.. apa muka saya kayak orang yang sangat bisa dipercaya tea?? ngeek -__-

karena satu dan berbagai hal, saya gak bisa buka rekening yang sebelumnya permintaan tsb udah saya terima.

selanjutnya lagi, actually, hari ini. doi terlihat agak agak gimanaaa gitu (*gimanaaa gimanaaa gimanaaaaaaaa *ayutingtingasik*), dia minta buat ngobrol sebentar sama saya (lagi). dan ternyata dia lagi terlilit hutang. minta tolong kalo bisa saya nolongin hutang dia tersebut. so saya berencana nolongin si doi.

 maklum saya baik hati *puhlis
*mintadigaplok

actually, the idea is just cross over my mind. why did he had to lend some money from his friends? some economical probs? in this place, it is not impossible that there's alot of people in a , kinda, low economic state. got what i mean??

dan hal ini buat saya miris. saya cuma nanya beberapa hal.

"berapa?" "sekian ratus ribu"
"emng kenapa? kok bisa ngutang?" "yaa kan orang tua udh gak ngirim beberapa bulan, dan kakak kayaknya udah sibuk jadi gak bisa ngirimin uang lagi"
"emang uangnya buat apa yang kemaren itu?" "buat kebutuhan sehari hari"

so dia memang bialng dia ngutang dari temen2nya dan waktu saya tanya ke salah satu siswa yang saya kenal, dia memang punya masalah hutang2an gt. miris waktu dengernya.
saya juga nanya orangnya gimana, dan ternyata dia katanya pinter, #1 rank gt di kelasnya. tp masalah yg prnah ada mayoritas karena doi minjem ke temennya tea!

agak kurang tega kalo misalnya ada anak yang mau sekolah bgt *si doi mau bgt katanya* dan gak bisa nerusin sekolah karena dana. apalagi dia pengennya di tempat yang disebut pondok pesantren yaitu di madrasah Aliyahnya. it's like, banyak kok anak anak yang KAYA malah menyianyiakan harta orang tua, bahkan orang laen tapi gak bener bener sekolahnya ato malah bolos terus

udah tau kan gimana kondisi anak anak SMA jaman sekarang? a bit sad sebenernya. dan agak jarang sebenernya saya liat yg kayak gini soalnya beberapa kali yang saya liat malah anak yang kurang mampu malah gak begitu suka buat sekolah. but this one, its special case.

mau bantu? dana saya dari manaa?klo cuma bayarin hutang insyaAllah dibantu, tapi buat masuk de el el?? waaah, saya belom kerja euy, jd nolongnya masih bner2 terhambat.
the only way yang bisa saya pikirkan adalah minta tolong sama sang bunda tercinta.

tadi barusan telpon dan juga sms2an.
lumayang panjang lebar dan akhirnya alhamdulillah beliau setuju buat bantu. tapi masih terbatas. karena [asti gak bisa terus2an.
so another idea adalah saya mtivasi dia buat kerja nantinya

entahlah besok berjalan bagaimana, tapi yang jelas saya berharap banget dapet respon yang baik dari dia, insyaAllah
aminn

dan juga, semoga saya bisa cepet sukses dan bisa bermanfaat bagi sekitar, dunia dan akhirat. amiiin

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