what's a doctor?

bismillah

few days ago, I've just felt like been in a comfort zone as a so-called doctor. well at first i thought that 'it's good, all is fine, nothing's happen'.
but a few days after, a kid come after me and ask fr some medication and show his scar in his leg while saying that i need to take care of it because of some reason. his name is daffa, a little kid i usually talk to whenever i visit one of the kid in his room coz of his broken forearm.

nothing actually strange from this story but actually this kid, daffa, ever, once, come to the UKS and ask me whats wrong with that scar. its edema, and have tenderness when you give some pressure. i just said, "Its OK, nothings harmful kid." he just stare to me, give his smile. and then i just take a look a bit and give some advice not to let the wound wet. that's it.

i take no further history taking. what could be worst actually? from anamnesis actually i could decide about the etiology and how to cure it. but instead of it i just look a bit, smile and let him go.

and after the request, i do taking the history. sudden onset, progressive and inflammation is positive. there's no sign of any recovery. trauma negative. and the onset looks like it refer to herpes virus infection. still not sure, of course, for this 6 month of minor thesis i never recalled it. i gave some medicine finally and for some the working diagnosis, i thought it herpes, i gave him acyclovir zalf. its not the first time he experienced it. for the look I've seen, there's few wound that leave scars and i noted hypo pigmented. all of the wound occurs in his extremities.
 

 is it that bad that i need to concern of this disease?

no, i know this is not that bad. but this is the things i need to concern. not the disease.  but the care and cure things. ethics in medicine and other studies i've studied for 3,5 years.

did i cure him?
no

did i take care of the wound?
no

hell, no. i dont even take any history from him. i don't even take care of the wound.

what if there's another patient that may be suffering of cancer or any disease that i actually could prevent its progressiveness by taking care it in the first time and i dont give anything instead of smile and give nothing?

god what is wrong with me?

my dream is a good doctor and i want to let kids live happy.
pediatric surgery it is, insha Allah, and i dont want to let this dream as the past

and i know that every single step a doctor made, is for the patient's sake.
to cure and to care.
to let the happiness fulfill their life
to make sure the suffering is lessened.

and i know, God, i'm on my way to be that kind of doctor
not for some money and not for other reason.

because i live it on Your way. Your straight lines  You've given

amin
bismillah

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Being a so-called-doctor!

bismillah,
so,  actually bbrapa hari pertama memang saya belum masuk. adaptasi di kamar tamu yang gede dan kasurnya springbed
(*once u read "SPRINGBED", mean u'll sleep soundly the whole night!)

after some chat and chap with some ustad, so saya baru bisa masuk ke kelas hari ketiga tinggal disini. disini ada pada program idad du'at yang memang saya ikutin.
plajaran utama adalah bahasa arab dan diikuti dengan akidah sama fikih. hampir tiap malam ada kajian kitab tauhid. its like a complete lesson but too mixy, for me.

if i tell u that this ARABIC LANGUAGE is that hard, would u believe me?
fo me, totally! bener2 susah dan asing
padahal baca Quran sering tapi tetep, belajar dengan ilmu semacam  grammar-nya itu susah bet. serius!

at first, masi malu mau ngomong apa karena ai totali tak bisa! so chap too much act like i know, saat ini mnurut saya bukan senjata canggih yang bisa diandalkan. beberapa hari gak jadi dokter, agak agak menyenangkan, haha tapi agak agak bosen.

but when the task come! i need to brace myself against the pressure of the patient!
bayangkan, after sebulan gak pernah mengulang pelajaran, trus tiba2 harus menjadi so-called dokter cabutan dan mesti diagnosis anak2 dengan dosis yang saya pun mengambang masalah farmakologi! belom lagi kemaren2 pernah ada anak epistaksis dan patah sch! GOD help meh, there;s only me in here dan pak mantrri nya waktu itu dan most of the time memang g standby disini!
senjata paling ampuh --> telpon kakak2 saya yg udh koas dan udh jadi dokter. nanya sambil kalang kabut gelisah.

here comes the times where i couldnt differentiate between sympathy and empathy!
misalnya ada anak yang dirawat, kita sebagai dokter memang seharusnya gak boleh terlalu bersimpati sama pasien. but beda memang klo sampe nangis2 denger serita pasien tapi kalo misalnya kita jadi dokter lepas di puskesmas, terus ada pasien dirawat dan sakitnya ara2 dia gak mau makan? masak kita gak boleh marah2 sama doi perihal tsb? masak kita gak boleh nanya2 dan selalu neror "udah makan ato belum?" ??

jadi mungkin disini semuanya mixy kali yak. pelajaran yang memang buanyak dan bikin saya bingung, dan juga perasaan jadi dokter yang ternyata gak segampang itu, cuma nulis resep dankasi obat, dan klo dateng lagi cuma senyum2 ajah.


tapi alhamdulillah sekarang saya lebih socializing my self into this community. anak2 mulai banyak yang nyapa dan mulai ngajak ngobrol
kan memang dasarnya saya emang pemalu *eaaa

yaah, NO PAIN NO GAIN, so MORE PAIN MORE GAIN! rite?
bismillah..

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